unity in the church: Jesus cares about our relationships

We came this past Sunday to the passage in Philippians where we meet two leaders in the church who are apparently in need of reconciling to one another. Their names are Euodia and Syntyche. Here are the passages I read prior to the homily:

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness. And being found in human form, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death—even death on a cross. (Philippians 2:3-8)

I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you soon, so that I may be cheered by news of you. I have no one like him who will be genuinely concerned for your welfare. All of them are seeking their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. But Timothy’s worth you know, how like a son with a father he has served with me in the work of the gospel. I hope therefore to send him as soon as I see how things go with me; and I trust in the Lord that I will also come soon.(2:19-24)

I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. Yes, and I ask you also, my loyal companion, help these women, for they have struggled beside me in the work of the gospel, together with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life. Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone.(4:2-5)

Most New Testament teachers agree that the conflict between these two sisters in Christ is a conflict related to the working out of the mission of the church in Philippi (in other words, it is most likely not foremost a personal conflict with two people over something personal in nature). It is certainly helpful for us to consider what we might learn from how Paul addresses this sort of conflict since, as a young church, we are bound to wrestle with these interpersonal issues in the life of our church. However, there are things that we can learn from how Paul addresses that particular issue that are generally applicable to situations where we are in conflict with others or are witnesses to those who are in conflict. So, now let's take a look at how Paul approaches the conflict between Euodia and Syntyche.

Were Euodia and Syntyche reconciled? We don't know. But what we have here is a treasure of an example of how to approach a difficult circumstance that so often occurs in the church - when people get sideways with each other. Note, Paul does not presume to adjudicate the situation and declare one person right and one person wrong. This is not to say that there are not times to offer clear judgment for the protection of the peace of the church and the well being of the people. But this example reminds us that there are a great many instances when strained relationships have arisen from mistakes made on both sides; to bring the weight of judgment on the front-end of the process of reconciliation would actually be harmful because it would short-circuit the process of God's work in the hearts of those who have become estranged. Instead, Paul leaves room for the Holy Spirit to work. For example, through participation in Jesus' self-giving love in the power of the Spirit (see discussion below) each or both of the estranged parties might come to see her own mistakes more clearly while simultaneously acknowledging a mis-perception of the motives of the other. Or, through God's work of mercy and grace one might come to desire so powerfully to forgive the other that the need for judgment of right or wrong simply disappears in the renewed relationship, love covering a multitude of sins. In any event, Paul knew that true reconciliation can only come through participation in Jesus' self-giving love, through the Spirit's empowering presence. So, how does he encourage reconciliation based on this?

First, by appealing to both of them based on his love and respect for each of them. He showed respect by not rushing to judgment or taking sides (see above), and his love for them is implicit in Paul's naming their names. Far from shaming them (which is how naming their names might appear to us because of our cultural distance), friends were named in this way in ancient letter writing because of mutual affection and concern for the well being of the relationship. What we can learn from this is that many times a person will come to his senses when he is reminded that he is loved. Also, an aspect of showing his love and respect is manifested not just in his refusal to judge but in his refusal even to take sides or suggest that his "loyal companion" should take sides. He dignifies Euodia and Syntyche by asking them to work things out rather than telling them what they should do in a hand-holding or patronizing way. Secondly, he encourages reconciliation by appealing to another friend, the loyal companion, to help. In appealing to his "loyal companion", Paul is signaling to Euodia and Syntyche that their disagreement is not a private matter but is taking its toll on the peace of the community. Sometimes it takes a realization that our sins of omission or commission are hurting others in order for us to come to our senses. Now, let's look at Paul's specific exhortation to the two women.

He urges the two of them to be of the "same mind in the Lord". This language about being of the "same mind in the Lord" may seem too flowery, sentimental and ethereal to offer any substantive application. However, we realize this is far from the case when we note that Paul is deliberately echoing his exhortation from chapter 2 when he says, "let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus". The appeal, then, to Euodia and Syntyche is in substance to look to Christ's self-giving love as the pattern and means by which they should re-approach each other. Without knowing specifics I could imagine an approach where pattern and means are thought about in this way: pattern - that each of them should follow in Jesus' cruciform pattern of setting aside his own interests for the interests of others. In this spirit each of them should be willing to humble herself so that she might find out how much pride and selfishness have contributed to the rift. By means, I mean that each of them should seek, in diligent prayer, God's superabundant gift of Jesus' self-giving love so that each of them would be empowered to express to the other a desire to be reconciled and then begin the hard work for reconciliation in that same power.

As we said earlier, we do not know if Euodia or Syntyche were reconciled. But what we do have here is an example of how to honestly work for reconciliation. Sometimes, we work for and desire reconciliation for our entire lives without seeing it come in some situations. While not giving up in our hearts, we may reach a point where we realize actual reconciliation is likely not going to happen in this life. But even in those instances, Paul's example offers guidelines that enable us to live in managed hope, reminding us that (a) we are to treat those with whom we disagree with respect, refusing to demonize them, and (b) to ask the Lord to be at work to bring his grace and mercy to bear on the relationship, trusting the future to him.

Finally, behind all of Paul's concerns above are some assumptions about community that we need to make sure we share as a church.
the common good is more important than the desires of any one individual (for example, if I can take a moment of personal privilege to illustrate this point, as the founding minister of the church I can say with confidence that if it were up to me I would give way to my individual desires for Grace Chicago Church but instead I deliberately set those aside for the common good, and work with a plurality of opinions and advice to help give shape to the culture and programs of the church)
the self becomes who he or she is supposed to become through the process of being in a church community where a strong value is placed on regarding the others' needs as more important than one's own
authority in the church is manifested in the spirit of self-giving love and in the patient bearing witness to the gospel

Questions for discussion:

1. What might we learn from Paul's refusal to take sides in this matter between Euodia and Syntyche?

2. Drawing from some of the ideas mentioned above, please explain why it is important to be patient when involved in helping two people be reconciled. Also, if you are trying to be reconciled to someone, could you explain why it is important that you be patient in that process?

3. Would you say that you have a healthy concern for being reconciled to people when their is a fissure in your relationship with them? If so, what has taught you to pay attention to this area in your life? If not, how can you work on this aspect of your life?

4. How can you know when it is appropriate to stop actively seeking reconciliation if the other party is unwilling? How can you stop actively seeking reconciliation and guard against bitterness and other sins?