Love is Patient

"Love is patient" (I Corinthians 13:4)

This week we talked about the relationship between God's patience and his love. God is patient with us because he loves us. One of our advent readings this week is from2 Peter:"The Lord is not slow about his promise, as some think of slowness, but is patient with you, not wanting any to perish, but all to come to repentance". God's patience towards us is something that I confess I have not thought enough about over the years. It also occurs to me that I don't hear others thinking or talking about God's patience very much either. We talk a lot about God's love, forgiveness, holiness, justice, etc. but not as much about patience. Perhaps one reason we don't talk much about God's patience is that we don't understand what patience really is. God's patience is not passive neglect or apathy towards our broken condition. Quite the opposite is really the case. God's patience is always joined by his tireless pursuit of deeper relationship with us. In his pursuit, though, he is patient. This means that he does not write us off when we fail to respond to him. He keeps pursuing.

I would suggest another reason why we don't think as much as we ought about God's patience is that we don't like thinking about what it means to be patient with others. Being patient with others means that we need to regard them as works in progress which, in turn, means that we are called to love them when they are not being very lovable. Before we have thought too long though about what it means to be patient with others we meet an obstacle which takes many of us off guard: a lack of patience with ourselves! My friend, Chuck DeGroat, from City Church, San Francisco recently offered this insight on his blog - the first quote is Chuck quoting an Episcopal Priest called Martin Smith:

“What chance is there of loving and respecting others if I refuse to meet and listen to the many sides of myself? How can I be a reconciler if I shut my ears to the unreconciled conflicts within myself… Now I begin to see that the spiritual life is based on a basic honesty which enables me to recognize that everything I find difficult to accept, bless, forgive, and appreciate in others is actually present within myself (Smith)".

"I’ve seen healing and transformation when men and women begin to love their enemies, even their inner enemies. These unreconciled parts of ourselves which live in extreme conflict cannot thrive.... And like the Prodigal Son and his Elder Brother, they need to be invited to a feast of reconciliation and redemption. You can only thrive as you become the Father in the great story, as the new and redeemed self led by Christ races out to both the Prodigal and the Elder Sons with an embrace of love and compassion. Transformation begins when you kiss the demon on the lips. Martin Smith suggests that the spiritual life is built and grown on a basic honesty which admits the truth about ourselves. When this happens, not only are we transformed, but the communities in which we live and love become places of transformation. And like yeast in bread, the Kingdom of God becomes an ever-expanding reality. However, where honesty is lacking, we not only create walls within our hearts and between ourselves, but we create a great divide between ourselves and God. This is why the Christian Gospel takes as it premise that men and women are basically sinful, in need of a reconciling love that cannot be manufactured and managed, that cannot be won by wall-building self-righteousness. Sadly, many of us who claim the name of Christ live unreconciled in so many ways. Put me at the top of that list (De Groat)."

What I would add to the terrific insights from the quotes above is that patience is required for this journey. The unreconciled parts of ourselves do not become unified under God's rule of love immediately and our struggle to be reconciled within ourselves is a life-long journey towards the wholeness God offers. Along the way, we must learn to be patient - not passive or apathetic - but patient with ourselves and others. Thankfully, God is patient with us.

Questions for discussion:

1. Have you noticed a connection between a refusal to be patient with others and a refusal to be patient with yourself?

2. What does it look like to be patient with yourself and/or others? Give an example of the difference between patience and apathy or passivity, and give and example of the difference between patience and impatience, particularly in relationship with others.

3. Naturally, there are all sorts of qualifiers to what it means to love someone through thick and thin. For example, some relationships must be for all intents and purposes terminated or radically redefined in order to act consistently with the deepest understanding of what it means to give and receive love from others and God. Above, we were reflecting on how patience helps us understand love so I did not want to spend a lot of words on the caveats. However, because it is on our minds, let's talk about what sorts of circumstances require the radical redefinition of a relationship. What are some examples?